You just made me feel so damn special
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
