If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
