Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
