Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
