he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
