and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
