you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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