The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Randomize
