Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
