she woke up with a sticky ear
everyone is single if you try hard enough
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
