Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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