Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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