the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
