How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
