We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
