My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
The feeling are messing with the penis
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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