Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
