Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
