She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
