My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Randomize
