how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Such a big mess for such a small penis
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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