I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
