He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Come on in and take your pants off
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