Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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