what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Randomize
