She's like a pop up book from hell.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
The uberlube is also flammable
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
