we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
