she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
