Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
