How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
