I'm gonna have a badass scar
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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