so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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