he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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