3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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