I want to stick my p in your. b.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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