Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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