I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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