I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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