I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
