Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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