I think i peed on brittanys purse
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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