God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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