Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
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