So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
