You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
