I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Randomize
