when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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