I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
