drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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