True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
