She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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