Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
That accounts for only three of the penises
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
